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Death is a hard thing to deal with when we are preparing ourselves for it, but what happens when someone who is living a happy life suddenly passes away? It’s happened to so many people over the ages, and in many ways, sudden deaths can be even more shocking. It’s not just about dealing with the grief, but it’s about the shock of sudden loss.
What can we do to deal with a sudden death and not completely lose our minds?
Be Aware of Feelings of Revenge
Known as revenge ideation, this occurs if a loved one died in grizzly circumstances. If your loved one died as a result of a hospital error, you may feel that you want to exact some form of revenge. It’s important to not act this out, no matter how seriously you want to do it. You have to understand that your initial desire for revenge is normal, but it is important to have an outlet that can help you deal with this emotion cathartically. Certainly, there are quality legal services to help with wrongful death in a professional route, but you have to understand that these feelings of revenge are not going to help bring them back, and are merely a short-term solution.
Do Not Go it Alone
Many people think that they should try and go through it by themselves, but if you need support, whether it’s from family or friends or a counselor, you need to speak up if you feel you’re struggling with coping. Seeking help is so important, and it will help you with the grieving process. A problem shared is a problem halved, and there are people who have been through this before. Focus on the right support groups and it can provide invaluable insight.
No only is this an emotion thing to go through, mentally, you can feel like just forming a sentence is impossible. And don’t even get me started about paying bills, cleaning house, and other day to day chores. Get help from trusted family members as you get back on your feet mentally and financially. You may need them to help figure out expenses and next steps to take.
You Will Go Through & Need the Grieving Process
They say there are five stages of loss and grief and it’s important to go through them. Realize that once you finish with the fifth stage, it should become easier to adjust to a new environment and make sense of what has happened. It is impossible to deal with death in a short amount of time. As painful as it is, try not to avoid grief. There will be times when the feelings of shock and confusion can rise up, perhaps suddenly.
There are many waves of emotion when we go through grief, and when someone goes through sudden death, you can feel shocked and confused rather than feeling sad or angry or just plain numb. But when the shock wears off, you might start to feel sudden anguish. Expect delayed emotional reactions but don’t avoid them. These are all occurring to help your mind and body deal with what is going on. It isn’t comfortable but these emotions will occur, and it’s important to be prepared. If you don’t allow yourself to grieve, you might develop health issues. I had a friend who didn’t let herself grieve for a year after several loved ones died. Her grief manifested as intense anxiety and heart issues. When she finally realized the connection, her health returned. Even if we try to press down our emotions in our subconcious, they are still there.
Do Not Ignore the Practical Matters
Sudden death can take the road out from underneath us, but unfortunately, the world still turns. And we have to take care of the practical matters. There are many things that you will need to do for example sorting out the estate and dealing with the funeral. There are a lot of things to do, and you can feel overwhelmed. If you feel like this, you should not be afraid to ask for help from friends or family members. Dealing with practical matters is a very strange thing because you feel like you are out of your body when you are doing them. Sometimes you don’t feel like you want to be in that lawyer’s office or cannot believe you are filling out forms writing out the name of someone who is not here anymore. However, these are things that need to be done, and take some solace in the fact that this can be a helpful and cathartic part of the process.
Go at Your Own Pace
The period of mourning is different for everyone. And it could be a few weeks, a few months, or even longer. Some people may think that you should “get over it” within a certain amount of time. I was told this after losing a pregnancy and it still stings 15 years later.
The most important thing to remember is that you need to deal with it in your own way. If it is hindering your ability to look after yourself or perform your life duties, you should contact a professional, but if you are able to conduct your daily life, it is your prerogative to go through it at your own pace. Everybody is unique and we all go through things in our own ways. These are all merely suggestions, but you should never feel like you can go through it alone, that is unless you want to.
Lastly, if you don’t remember anything else in this article, remember this… Be kind to yourself. Don’t listen to hurtful or negative things your mind might tell you. Don’t believe you have to do this or have to do that. Sit down and rest if you need to. Cry if you need to. Sleep if you need to. Go do something you love if you need to. Listen to your heart and body and take care of yourself. Speak with someone that will hear you whether it’s a friend or a professional or someone in line at Walmart.(One day I found myself hugging a lady at Walmart that was crying on my shoulder about her daughter that had passed. I cried too.) There is no timeline for grief and you don’t have to “accomplish” something in the process. It’s raw and sometimes unrelenting. Be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through the crashing waves.
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If you are feeling down or depressed for more days than not, please seek medical attention. If you are feeling like you cannot go on, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat here>>> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Or visit the suicide prevention lifeline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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